too bad.

What's done is done.
Too bad the "surprise" came this way.
Great job.

I'm a lit student.
Am trained to think and read beyond lines and beyond lines of lines.
Sometimes, I do ask myself why had I taken lit and made a paranoid of myself.

Maybe these are all excuses.
Guess they are excuses.

Am sorry too.

PICTURES!!

RANDOM SHOTS AGAIN!!

Flashing lights.

A painted future.

I love to live in Boston or Chicago. I want a future that I only depend on my stinky sweatshirt and my favorite faded Levis for clothes.
I want to live in a studio apartment in a apartment on a street beside Hyde Park. Probably working at one of the press firm as a lowly paid reporter. But my dream would be to be a romance novel writer.
I would keep a dog. Definitely the Old English Sheepdog.
And during my spare time, I'll be painting. My apartment will be so messy due to all the painting that I don't even have place for the TV.
As my family are all in Singapore, I'll only visit them like during Chinese New Year and Christmas.
I'll probably be not very slim. Probably like what I am now. Lunch will be sandwiches from the sandwich bar across the street from my workplace. I'll cook my dinner. Simple one-dish meals.
My hands would be really dirty and my nails probably haven't seen a manicure in 3 years. Will be wearing the same canvas sneakers that I hand-painted to work everyday. My make-up bare minimal. Just foundation and brow powder. My bag is a huge black bag that I got at a local flea market.
Probably club less. Unless its a company function, then I'll dress up.
If I'm not painting, I'm hanging out at the local bookstore or art gallery. I might have a little space at the flea market to sell my paintings. Business might be good on some days, there might be days when I have to bring everything home.
Might meet my guy while looking for a book at the bookstore. Might move in with him and turn my apartment into a gallery cum painting studio.
That's my painted future for now.

What if.

Sometimes I feel like asking,"What would you do if some other guy wanna ask me out?"
But I guess I already know the answer.
"Go for it!"

--.--

And every time, I go clubbing he asks if there are any hot guys around.
--.--

I mean, hey! Do you get the point?
Damn.
He's a dumb guy.

Am not treating him like one of my girlfriends.
I have enough.
I don't really need him to be one.

Oh well.

Found the hair I REALLY wanted.

Found that hair cut.
Love the bangs, the layers. Think I'll match it. :X

SIM application

Applied for communication studies at SIM. Guess I should have done this earlier. Oh well.
Got to shop less. Maybe club less too. :X
At least I still have booze at home. :X

i really hate my job.

i hate my job. hate it. hate the boss. hate the whole management. hate the fucking chains that tied me down. hate the fact that they can't fucking i'm trying my fucking best in whatever job they give me.
i really wanna tender. fuck the bonus. i can't stay there anymore. getting me nuts.

i hate elitist

i admit i'm not the most perfect person. am still growing and learning. could be that 2 year old tree. but i still have yet to grow my flowers and start reproducing fruits.

am trying my best to make things work (this is work related not relationship related).
say that having higher qualifications i should be able to do so. damn fucking that for granted. why some fuckers expect and believe that more should be given. i doubt they have these in the west. so fucking wanna get out of singapore.

stupid old hag who speaks in circles. god please make the old hag talk straight to the point. totally confuses people with the merry-go-round talkings.

totally get the point. sometimes i feel i'm not mature enough. ok. i am not matured enough. therefore the relentless struggle to match up. fuck.

the guys are right. year 2 was shit. seems like i got a 4-year-dip-squeezed-into-2-years. thinking how a certain mr tan "teachings" vs the working world. no difference.

i don't like my boss. i accept if i'm wrong. but i won't accept that i did follow your instructions instead you feel that its still not to standard. all i have to say - fuck off.

should have left earlier. probably during the previous job scope. stuck in a fucked up company with too many ideas. design should be kept small and not too big. especially for graphics. there are too many people talking. total confusion.

looking for freelancing while getting ready to leave. if i m freelancing, kinda need a new computer. heck if its a laptop or desktop.

can't fucking wait for november to come so i can register for nafa.

AM NOT LIAN.

This is the first time in my life someone agreed that I have lian-ish vibes.
--.--

Most of the time my descriptions are "strange", "crazy", "unique", "interesting".
Never lian.

lost

am confused, lost, blurred, insecure, incapable, stranded, tired, uncertain.

kinda need answers to stuff.

Maybe I should start writing.

I'll write this girly story about a young woman with life conflicts.


Titled: That split end part 1

Maybe. Maybe. No way. Hmm. Sometimes even choosing the best wedding dress can be a chore. Knowing Ben for 3 years, seemed ok for us to settle down. Maybe it didn't. Ben was totally not interested in the wedding preps. I was getting suffocated by the pressure and the time needed for my work and the wedding preps.
Trex had been pressing me for new art pieces. He said the gallery was empty and customers kept asking for my works. Oh well.

"Baby. I'm choosing that dress." Me, pointing to the simple buster A-line gown.
"Hmm. Ok. We'll go with it."

Finally. But I still felt empty. Ben didn't even look at WHICH gown I was going to walk down the aisle in.

"But you aren't looking at it."
Ben walked towards the display and carried the mannequin wearing the CORRECT dress and brought it beside my chair.

"This right?"


to be continued....

Should take more pictures

I kinda need to increase my album size.
If not there won't be anything to show those NAFA dudes.

Sort of found my direction

I'm throwing away a lot of things. Guess to define oneself is to sacrifice unnecessary stuff and focus on what really works for you.
I really like the spring-summer breeze that blows my hair as I sit on a swing hung from a strong branch of a tree. I'll not be wearing Prada or LV. But more like T-shirt and jeans. Probably a pair of pretty-dirty-and-beaten-up sneakers.
My home will probably a small apartment in a sub-urban. Things will be all around the house. Clothes on the couch, dinner dishes not washed. I'll probably have a iMac, a 2nd hand sewing machine. I might keep a cat cos cats are low to maintain. Or goldfish. I'll probably paint my den some dirty colour. Grey or yellow-brown.
Maybe during my free time I'll be painting or writing.
Work? Freelancing. I'll have a column in some paper or magazine. Ugly Betty? Nah. Not fashion, maybe some design magazine like Space or Ish. Or I might be a curator. Hmm. Seems promising. ^^

MUACKS

Aww. So sweet.

Some pictures

Had taken some so-called artistic shots. So here they are.