WHY?

It's not fair. Why does good people suffer while mean people have to celebrate? Where has the "good triumphing evil" gone to?

I got news from someone that a really long time/lost friend of mine has gotten leukemia. This friend of mine, D, is the sweetest guy ever! I've known D since primary school. We lost contact for a few years due to change of numbers and the regular stuff going on. I guess thanks to fate, I got to know a person that are friends with him. The morbid twist of fate.

I have always been struggling to give faith a chance. Since the day my grandparents died. I contemplated my questioning and praying. My prayers were often half-hearted. I do want to believe and let things be as they are. Let the so called god take control and just drive me through this life process. However in some way, if that driver at the wheel is just a robot and I'm the supposed one to operate the robot and steer the wheel? I'm at this stage still in denial and all. Maybe I might change out of the denial or maybe I might just accept this denial as the truth.

And yet there are people complaining and whining about their good-enough lives. Fuckers. Yes I do complain as well. But after that conversation with one of the complaining people, complaining about how flawed I am, I guess in some way I got put off. I mean major put off. These days when this person, X, talks/communicates with me I'm kinda in that "ok, whatever" mode. So X can complain all X wants but Zelda can't. Great thinking! Fucker. And so X can brags all X wants while Zelda can't too. Another great idea! Stop telling me that I have no fucking right to say what I want. I love talking about my romantic life cause I'm pretty much clueless and I do want some acceptance. Stop saying that my words cut like a sword. Fucking hell yours cut too. But I fucking don't complain about that. Good for you that you can do certain things but stop complaining that its going to be tough and all. Hello, my sick friend can't do much at all.

Another complaining person, Y. Damn. Y is one of the worst and most spoiled of all. I have never met anyone as spoiled. If you're not into that subject, then leave it. If the crowd is not into that subject except you, leave it too. We won't blame/ostracize you for any differences. I'm so much different from everyone. Do I have to become an anti-social because of that? We aren't clones of Y. If not there'll be another fucked up North Korea. Please fucking stop the pouting and annoying tantrums. I guarantee one day Y's going to annoy me so much so that I'll just tell Y off. My patience is still rather stretchable but it will definitely snap one day.

Yes. I do know this is a pissed off rant. I am pissed off. I need an avenue to complain too. At least to an empty space. Damn. Why don't people ever just learn/shut up whenever they need to? ARGH!