Finally.

Yesterday at about 5.50pm Sparky's body just could not take it anymore. So her body just decided to retire. My dear dog, my dear friend, my dear sister. She died yesterday evening. I'm grateful Ray stood by me and watch her take her last breathe.

I procrastinated about writing this entry. I guess its just me trying to tell myself not to think about it. Yes I am a runner. And what can I do about it? My dog isn't going to walk through my door and start licking me in the face. She isn't going to start scratching the door to inform me about bringing her for a walk. She isn't going to go bonkers about the food I'm eating.

Although Sparky never knew the human speech, she taught me more than anyone did. She taught me even though she may be of another animal species, unconditional love exists. In fact she taught be to look beyond color-blindness. She taught me how to be there for everyone. She taught me how to be more human. In fact I think she was more human than anyone of us. She knew how to be kind to unknown children in the park. She knew how to let others love her. She took in all our complains and never said a word about it.

It is hard. It is harder because I never knew what were Sparky's thoughts. It pains me even more because there is nothing I can really do for her. Unlike when another human being dies, at least the communication of human speech is there. My dog only barks and sniffs. She hardly whines. I realized most of the whining was often done by Cody. She brought a lot of joy to us. I still remember how she would not struggle when Amanda and I would try to fix her look with glasses and clothes. I remember how she hated the Barbie cars. I remember how she ran out of the (old) house once and ran down 4 floors, just to chase cats.

Although Sparky may be small in size, her heart and gut was way much bigger than she appeared to be. She was always so full of spark. Even when she was sick, she still would join in barking sessions with Cody. Even when I grew up and started to neglect her, she was still waiting at home for me unconditionally. Even when I got too busy and focus with the computer, she would be by my chair in my room just sitting beside me. She was always supporting me in everything I do. Just sitting there. Now. Her remains sit on the windowsill. She can't sit beside me anymore. She can't wake up suddenly when I just move my chair one bit anymore. She can't let me give her belly rubs anymore. I miss her. I miss her so dearly. I know nothing's gonna change.

Bye Sparky. We will meet someday again.